India’s Mc Creepers

Being a white woman in the most populated city in India is not an easy task. We endure 80% of men we walk by staring us down like animals, many men taking pictures by holding a camera up in your face at least 3 times a day (every once in a blue moon someone is polite enough to ask) , and many really odd hit lines. Ok, stare, take pictures, tell me you are a doctor and you parents will love me…whatever. This idea of white women becomes especially problematic when you enter a bus, metro, or are walking at night. There are countless issues with the public transportation, as I have mentioned before. Foreign women are not the only victims of sexual assault, Indian women are as well. Indian women for the most part don’t do anything about the issue either. There is a dichotomy of respect and disrespect towards women in this country. If the woman is family- protect her with your life; if the woman is not feel free to exploit her rights as a human if you wish to. Not all men here believe this way, but unfortunately too many do. This is why there is a separate woman’s car on the metro, and this is why men overprotect the women they are around.

Several men have taken me under their wind in a protective manner, which is genuinely nice. This gesture may have a romantic attachment or just be completely a friendly lend of hand to a female foreigner. This is something you can never predict the outcome of when meeting someone. If a man offers you a seat on a bus, you are obligated to take it. This puts you in a position to potentially have to fight of someone who was being nice just to lead to some sort of romantic situation with you. Unfortunately foreign women have a bad name in India for partying and being loose with morals, so when men see a white female a lot of times he thinks he can woo her into his bed. Now this makes it really really difficult for us respectable white women who are forced to accept basic gestures of kindness. This happened to me on the metro. A man gave me his seat, and politely making conversation asked me where my stop was. These guys are smart… I couldn’t lie because he would see where I got off anyway. Well he magically had to get off at the same stop as I did and proceeded to try to help me shop for an hour. I tried over and over to get rid of him and it was not easy. He was being very nice but unfortunately wanted me to go to dinner with him and expected more out of me. I have heard countless similar stories from other foreign women.  Sometimes you just have to be rude to get them to go away even though they were nice and helpful.

The concept of flirting in India is much more emotional and dramatic than what a western person would be used to. The people here are so open to emotion and romance! What is seen in music movies and everyday life as love would be considered completely over the top and cheesy to a westerner. Guys are so forward here; they just walk up to you and say something ridiculous. I have heard I’m a doctor about 10 times, or they say you are oh so beautiful to your face sober on any random day. My American roommate Jen even helped me once by yelling at a guy for running out of a restaurant after me. My favorite line was ‘Good Morning, Yes Yes!’- it was 10pm. Calm down guys! What makes them think I’ll just stop where I’m standing and fall in love with them? The worst/ most hilarious part is the poem text messages I get. (It’s very hard to not give your number to someone, I used to be a pro at giving the wrong numbers to guys in the U.S. Here I don’t know how to create a fake number when they are like 10 digits long . If you say give me your number and I’ll call you.. they take your phone and call their phone with it. After a few times of this I just had to turn mean on the poor guys and walk away). At least once a day I get a creepy poem from a guy like this: “Sweet-Sweet Morning, Cold-Cold Climate, Hot-Hot Tea, A little heart says Vry-Vry.” Now please tell me this isn’t creepy. I’m sure that the poor guy thinks it’s romantic and sweet, but a non-Indian would not agree.  Now there may be many explanations for this behavior. The western influence through the media depicts western women in a negative way. Indian culture as well over romanticizes even the basic aspects of everyday life (which can be beautiful went seen in the right context.

The disrespect for the woman as a whole will have another complex explanation. Many Indian women have said their country is backwards in the feminist ideals. They have progressed to the point of getting jobs in the corporate world, but the equality cannot exist when the men still have a mindset that women are dirty and if they show their shoulder they deserve to be treated less than human. I experienced the difference between wearing a Kutras everyday and one night wearing a sleeveless onsie. I even felt like I was asking for men to come grope me, which is completely absurd! It is the men’s pure inability to control himself that the women here feel at fault for abuse. They have to dress modest, avoid eye contact with men, and sit in the women’s section of the metro to avoid their primitive actions. When it comes to the time where women fight for equality in this country it will be a tough road. How can one fight for equal rights when they might put you in danger. Separation and giving up freedom creates protection. Sophia suggested that the marriage system and taboo of girlfriend/boyfriend relationships has created this. I think it’s a great insight. If men are separated in school at an early age and never interact with girls, they are bound to become sexually deprived and are encouraged to try to fulfill their wishes by other methods such as groping girls on busses. Now this is definitely a generalization, but nevertheless a large reality.

Now coming back to male protection of women, these actions are needed in India for a woman. However, these actions of protection are belittling in my eyes. When a man says ‘come’ to a woman, it is to protect a woman by keeping her close. This has happened to me several times. A guy tells me to ‘Come’ like I’m a dog. I am already following behind and don’t need to be told to do so. These subtle hints within language women project a power difference between men and women, and it is used no matter how educated a woman is. When people use this language everyday to a woman how much does the inferiority become engrained in her brain? On top of this women are looked after and taken care of to the extent that they are helpless. Even if they are educated and have jobs, they still wait their whole lives to have a husband to provide fanatically for them and take care of them. When they are this dependent on a man, what will happen if something happens in a relationship? She can’t leave and is stuck. Many women are trapped in marriages filled with battering and marital rape because of this. Not to mention that the divorce system is insane and there is no such thing as marital rape or irreconcilable differences in the law.

These are the issues on women’s rights, and men’s behavior I have been observing at trying to swallow during my stay. Thankfully I was born I a country where I have the power to stand up for myself psychologically, and have the support of other women and men behind me. I have only had to deal with the creepy men in a small dose.  I apologize for the giant spiel on feminism, but I think the issues deserve to be mentioned.